Today I’d like to share that on February the 8th, I’ll be incarcerated 40 years. I grew up from the age 21 to soon-to-be 62. That number 40 is weighing on me pretty heavy because of many things.
First, because I know I can’t undo the past. No matter how long I am here, unlike many speeches I hear on the faith and taking chances, my faith helps me put the 40 years in perspective every day. For instance, it rained upon the earth 40 days and nights before the rainbow was given. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years in the wilderness, what would have taken 11 days to journey, and then they received the promised land. Moses fasted for 40 days and got the mighty 10 Commandments. Jesus fasted and was tempted by Satan for 40 days and then began his ministry of salvation. So, I’m going to choose today to let 40 represent transformation, new life, growth, perseverance, or forgiveness.
My family and my community and my judge in the district I came from, Jerry Payne, Father Norman, who prayed for me to the day he died, lifted my soul many times. Prison Radio, Reimagined Justice, Smart Justice Advocates, KFTC, fam, and advocates of friends who believe that I’m much more than that tragic mistake that I made at age 21. I’ll let that keep me strong most days.
Then I got to thinking today about it, that I’ve been behind bars since before Michael Jordan was a rookie, before the International Space Station, before it was no longer a misdemeanor to be gay in Kentucky, before cell phones, before the world wide web, before the 911 terror attacks, before Oprah, before the Menendez brothers, before OJ, before Waco. I can keep going on and on, and I think about how long that number is, and then I think about the worst case in Kentucky is a tragedy of 24 kids getting killed by a drunk driver, and even that person was released in 1999 and then I find myself thinking, I hope he’s done something with his life.
But I guess what’s hitting me today is the biggest—I was incarcerated before I realized that every decision we make has consequences that affect other people, sometimes more than it even affects ourselves. I know loss. I’ve lost a father, step father, grandparents, friends in these last four decades. Yet, I try to daily use these life lessons. Keep my journey right. I live through the losses, through threats from co-defendant. You know, I’m not gonna let that be the point to my highlight in my journey here. I pray that each day I earn respect, and many will see and believe in redemption, restoration, and second chances, and I appreciate the chance to have a voice.
These commentaries are recorded by in Prison Radio.
