Okay this is KnowledgeBorn GodAllah calling from CSP Solano and Im’a continuing on “The Black God on Death Row”. So Im’a continue my story.
In 1991, like I said before, I was taken to the adjustment center in San Quentin State Prison, stripped of my clothing and strip searched and was placed in a holding cell. The holding cell was in the back of the building on the first tier on the yard side, which is a cell that was combined within a cell. It had bars, but it also had a solid door.
So as I was sitting in this cell, I began to reflect on the things that brought me to this position. As I left the courtroom, I remember that the district attorney, Mr. Theo [inaudible], was using derogatory languages. He was all “I want y’all to kill these n***as, this n***a killed a n***a and I want y’all to kill this n***a again,” came out of his mouth in front of the jury, those very words. As I stepped in, I realized the loss of my freedom, my sincere freedom, the loss of my family, the loss of my children, the loss of society, the loss of everything, including my life.
At that point in time, I began to wonder, why am I still here? Why am I still alive? And then I reflected on the fact that the gun that the police had shot at me was a shotgun. Why didn’t that hit me? And I was in turmoil at that point in time. My emotions was high. I’m sitting in the cell on an empty mattress with no sheets, no blankets, no pillows, just me, in a pair of shorts and a pair of tennis t-shirt with the flip flops on. But they haven’t brought my property.
What prevented me from ending my life at that point in time? What prevented me from committing suicide at that time? As I’ve heard many times before, how many people came to this isolation point and begin to wonder and do things and take themselves up out the picture by committing suicide?
What prevented me from doing that was my strong will and a sound that came over the tier. It said, “Hey, hey man, where you from?” And they were banging on the wall. I began to answer, “I’m over in California, man. Where you from?” When the man said who he was and where he was from, and we began the dialogue which took my mind and my state of dismantling—state of dismantling from the point of chaos and confusion, to ideas of, “Wow, there’s somebody saying something to me,” and it distracted me from the point of which I was. And so we began to have a dialogue, and we began to talk.
Until next time, y’all take it easy. Y’all be straight. Keep your life, keep your head straight. And my peace to everyone. Peace.
These commentaries are recorded by Prison Radio.