Two months and six days. That’s all it took to decide the course of my life. It was that brief span of time, the amount of time that I knew my co defendants, that has now led me to living nearly 40 years behind bars.
I grew up in a small town of 400; a good student, an athlete, a true friend to those around me, yet none of that mattered in the end. Two months and six days came to define my life and erased everything I had been working so hard to become in this world. Sometimes my childhood, although not perfect, seems so long ago. I smile when I think of how simple life, love and friendships were. Of course, I’d never met people like my co defendants back then. I never doubted the good or the good in others, until it stopped. With goodbye after goodbye, friendships became distant. Life moved on because we had to grow up. But some did not have the guidance that they needed through those years. Life and love and friendships became complicated. I changed not because I wanted to, but because I had to, in order to survive or to be picked or to be loved.
At the age of 21, on drugs and in a destructive lifestyle, something very tragic happened. I was guilty of making very bad decisions and putting myself in the middle of a nightmare, which led to the heartache for so many. I had not changed. I still had that core of my thing, because I can still hear myself yell, “I can’t do it. I won’t do it.” Although not by my hands, a wonderful young life was taken that could never be returned. There were many myths and straight out lies that surround this case. I feel I have chosen to do the right thing as the legacy of this lost life deserves. I wish I could have stopped it, do life over and not been stabbed that night when I tried to run, scared for both our lives. What happened is never going to change. Yet, I pray I can be graced with a second chance. I pray this one tragic mistake does not cause me to die behind bars.
Some say an eye for an eye is biblical, like in Exodus 21, but this is the old covenant. The new covenant with Jesus Christ is not retaliation but restoration. Are we a society of the old or new covenant? Are we the old Kentucky or the new Kentucky, as Governor Beshear often speaks on. There’s no appropriate apology or repentance for what happened. Yet, the best I can give is the choices I have made since that time, for nearly 40 years now. I’m in limited circumstances and in daily events that I will not wish upon anyone as a result of my failures. I had the choice to go through or to grow through, to increase and not decrease. I’ve done the work spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I now pray the new Kentucky goals align with that of the Lord, a hope and a future like he promises in Jeremiah, and a goal met means a second chance in life, because I’m ready, not ready to die here. I’m not done, and have a lot to give back.
These commentaries are recorded by Prison Radio.
