My name is Jamil Pirant, calling from IYC [Indiana Youth Center]. So really, I don’t know where to start, but I gotta say thank you to everybody that ever showed me any kind of support. I’ve always been saying, like, it’s been long, you know. A year is too long. A day is too long. Despite that I’ve only been down 14, 15, compared to ones who’ve been down 20 and 30, you know, 40 [years]. But at the same time, I know that this don’t get no easier. I see and I understand.
Not to date all the way back when I was in Wabash, but the little small things that they did to try to, you know, hinder you, take your smile. They won’t trust your glow, that’s for sure. You have a clean spirit and glow the brightest—they won’t trust it. You know? They’re not a friend of leaders, and they’re not a friend of, you know, somebody who can lead or even learn.
I’m more than Michigan City. They blackballed me from having jobs. They took my tablet for no reason. They was blocking legal mail. I mean, when they did a big institution shakedown and they doubled back down on me the next day, I’m understanding, like, what’s going on? They rolled me up for some socks and classified it as STG [security threat group] materials. [Laughs] Some socks. And they were doing this big shakedown looking for knives. I said, “Then who wrote me up for this?” They said, “Internal Affairs.” I said, “That’s what Internal Affairs does? They write you up for socks?” I said, “Okay, cool.”
They were denying my transfer when I was eligible to level down. I just can’t pass. I said, “Okay, I don’t know what’s going on. It’s gonna be alright.” You know, I gotta… I watched. I said, “Okay, things happen.” For one, I’m not no victim. I’m not claiming to be, neither. I’m not trying to throw no kind of pity party. But I’m just giving a timeline on my understanding of things.
Not too long ago, the outside police came into the facility, and they called me out, went through all my legal mail, tore it up. That was a Thursday. The next day, they came back and did the same exact thing. So, what’s going on? Because I know [unclear] they would have been like, put me in a hole. I’ve been out here 14 years, and I’ve never been to the hole before. So, what’s going on?
So they took poetry from me. They took my legal mail, pieces of my legal mail. I think they just pick it. So, a lot of the stuff that they do, do not bother me at all. You know? I can’t allow them to make me throw my head off a wall. Do their job for them—punch the wall and hurt my hands. How am I gonna write my mother? How am I gonna write to Prison Radio? Why would I do that?
The other day, I went out to go pray. They know anything I do is pray. We got a designated area that we pray in. The lady comes up and says, “Ain’t no prayers right now.” I said, “Why? What’s going on?” She said, “Ain’t no prayers right now, cause I say so. It’s a privilege for you to pray, not a right.” I said, “What’s going on?” Anyway, she wrote me up for it.
And the main thing I hear from my family, or from anybody, is “Stay out of trouble.” That’s not an easy thing to do. I have 100 commanders. They quick. This is where they work. This is where I live. They come in here and strike their paint anywhere they want to. And that’s what it is. I could have 100 write-ups. I probably do have 100 write-ups. But for things like this… it’s okay though, because I accept it. I know what comes with it. You know what I’m saying? It’s just striving. You gotta come at one with all your hardships. You gotta accept it. You gotta know what’s what. No crying over spilt milk. Once you see it’s spilt, the first thing you should be doing is trying to reflect on a plan to clean it up and get through it.
I understand now. They must see something in me that I ain’t seen in myself. I see now though, absolutely. But I’m gonna keep striving down though, man. The other day, I had a lawyer call, you know. Because I’m like, trying to get in touch with my lawyer. I had a lawyer call. They called down to the unit and told the police, the COs, the lawyer call has been canceled. So, the CO must’ve seen… he looked in my face. He, you know, he might have seen a little sadness, like a little confusion in my face. He said, “Look, I’m still gonna send you over there, just to check.” I went over there. There was no canceled visit at all. The lawyer was waiting on me, by the mercy of Allah the visit wasn’t really canceled. I said, “Man, I don’t know who I’m fighting against, but it ain’t just no CO.” And whatever it is, I’m not gonna try to sweat myself or get distracted. These are little distractions that deter from the goal. The goal is to get home.
I’m 30 years old now. Been locked up probably all of my life, you could say, almost. I gotta get home to my family, and I know what’s gonna get me there, patience. That’s it, y’all—patience. That’s what’s gonna get us there.
These commentaries are recorded by Prison Radio.