Today, today was one them days where I really realized that I’m in prison. I mean, I always knew I was locked up, but today I realized that I’m in prison, I’m on a true plantation. It’s like, there is no women, you know, in that sense, because it’s write you up for something and it tamper with your outdate.
And then one of the staff members who was just a CO is now on the DHP board who do the writeups, take 90 days from your [inaudible] credit class three, which means that every three days you do equal to one day off your time, and that’ll last for six months. So it’s really one of the situations where if you by yourself in this place, it might be a test where you never can make it out.
I had a situation where internal affairs came and raided my cell, didn’t find nothing, and then they came back the next morning and came and took socks that I had Arabic on, and they wrote it up for STG colors and symbols, which means that they said this is gang colors and symbols—a B writeup.
Which means that, since this writeup is pending, I can’t get no trial, which they always do, and I won’t be able to level down to a lower level security. Um, I’ve been locked up 13 years, right now I’m lower-level security time. I did majority of my time almost already. So it seemed like every time a weeks or a couple days before I level down, they always come with a writeup as if they don’t want me to proceed.
And I know I don’t, I don’t like really speaking on the innocent because I don’t want to sound like the complainer again. I done try my best to throw this on my back and just truck. I’mma fight. I’mma fight as much as I can. I just need somebody in my corner to patch me up and help me hydrate in between the rounds. That’s what I need. You know what I’m saying?
I put my pride to the side over days, really fight with myself to even send this out here like this, you know what I’m saying? Just growing up, you know, becoming a man on my own. In a sense, you know, you don’t really want to, you know what I’m saying? Make you feel vulnerable.
Just asking for help like that. But I need y’all support. I need y’all help because I don’t have no stabbings. I don’t have no fights. I don’t have no, no, no, no drug charges. No 30 drops over 13 years. Not days, not weeks, 13 years! I haven’t had none of this, but got these people find the smallest shit, like a broom in cell to write me up for a B writeup.
In a place where they all ODing by the tens! Run the facts on how many ODs have been here or how many suicides have been here, how many heats strokes have been here, because they have no heating ventilation or air conditioning in the biggest jail in the state of Indiana. When it get hot in here, it get hot, and people die. It’s real.
All the real stuff that they got to focus on, yet I can’t level down or get a job. I’m 29 years old and never had a job in my life. Why? Because some CO who just came in who’s 23 or 21 don’t understand how I’m coming. They think it’s a trick to it. They don’t even last over two years then they gone, but they tell me it was, because they tampering lies. And the people that are sick cause they don’t want to override, you know, they, staff members ruin it, like you know what I’m saying? It’s just not fair.
And I know I won’t be able to do it by myself. I tried- I tried the last 13 years. I’m grateful for all the support I had. And I know how far I’ve gotten. I just lost a friend, a close friend of mine. He died in prison. We grew up together as kids and in the world. And to see him in here, then he died, you know, it’s just real, man. It’s just real, and I’m smiling through it all. You know what I’m saying? I want to cry, and I can cry. It’s okay though.
But I need that support. I need, whoever can sign up the petitions, I need whatever type of help for my legal fees, because we fighting right now. You don’t gotta fight for me, just help me hydrate and help me patch up. You ain’t gotta fight for me. Help me fight. Tell me when to duck. Let me know what to throw a right in the left. You know what I’m saying? I just need that support. You know, I just know it ain’t nothing like a support system, and I need that.
In my soul, I feel like I deserve it because I worked hard with my patience to get this far down the line and still have a smile and still see the good in people. My soul ain’t ruined. You know what I’m saying? That’s the best thing about it. I look up and I thank God for that, at least for that. I still got my thumbs and my big toe, the things allow me grip and walk properly. My smile, my teeth, my eyes, my ears, my five senses, I’m grateful for those things.
I ask, I humbly sincerely ask, I need y’all support. I need y’all to ask whoever you can ask that I support, whatever type of juvenile advocates, whatever type of anything that you guys can do, whether it’s a penny, a dime, or a dollar to the donation funds or whatever that we can do, just please support, because if it was up to these people that are letting me die in this place, you know what I’m saying? They wouldn’t even me meet my my outdate. I can’t even level down and move forward with my so-called rehabilitation. You know what I’m saying? It’s just not just.
These commentaries are recorded by Prison Radio.