“Color of Mercy,” a monologue by Spoon Jackson.
I am a desert turtle flipped on its back under a hot summer sun, unable to turn up right there’s so much pain. So much disappointment in my heart and spirit right now. PTS, I don’t know…
Automated Facility Message : “This call and your telephone number will be monitored and recorded”
I don’t know how to move. I feel like I let my family, friends, my victim, and my victim’s family down, who have forgiven me for taking their loved one’s life some forty years ago. I am not that boy I was then, a mad, lost young man.
I stand before you a grown man of peace, love, and transformation. One who does not believe in violence or hate. One who does not believe in dog eat dog.
Another new commutation from Governor Jerry Brown, who purported not to believe in life without the possibility of parole, or the death penalty, yet he did not abolish either one, and only commuted a few LWOP1 prisoners. He claimed to believe in writing justice.
Sure, he helped out some refugees from countries to not be deported under Trumpism, yet he left in place LWOP and death penalty, both of which are deemed cruel and unusual punishment by any civilized country and by any civilized and uncivilized religion.
Brown left in place a racist judicial system in a prison industrial slave complex that eat lives like a meat grounder. Brown commuted a few LWOPs, but had no criteria, no standard practice for mercy, therefore leaving thousands of more than worthy prisoners behind. Leaving thousands of concerned family and friends behind confused and bewildered about how commutation works. Why they are not distributed out evenly, based on a prisoner’s in custody behavior?
What is the color of mercy? Try to clear my mind from the rubbish, but right now, I’m unfocused, pissed off and sad. It finally started to rain today and the burnt hillside will fill out with green growth.
I fit all the criteria to have been commuted. I have over 40 years inside, a lot of clean time. How many manuscripts must I publish? How many rewards must I win? How many times must I be of service to others? How many dogs must I kiss? How many asses must I kiss to get out of prison like the others?
I have no money to palm hands. I have no closed door friends or officials to report to in the dark. I have only myself and my walk in realness. What else can I do? Governor Brown has left office. Realness eats raw meat and does not waver nor drifts on occurrence. He has the staying power of the sun. Realness walks only in his own shoes.
1 Life without Parole
These commentaries are recorded by Noelle Hanrahan of Prison Radio.
